My silly little thoughts

Welcome to my collection of poems presented in reverse chronological order from when I considered it to be “complete”.

A glimpse of my vulnerability through words.

If I have art work related to the poem, it’ll be at the end of the poem, hehehe you’ll see! teehee!

no revenge

Because if you could betray me like that,
I can only imagine
the amount of times
you’ve betrayed yourself

unfinished symphony

“For the love I once knew has transformed, so have I.”

Recognizing that the love is gone,
Proves that I’m moving on.
Our memories forever reside in infinity and beyond.
Will it haunt you, the unfinished love songs?

Venturing into your world once more,
Seeking closure, not from you, but at my core.
Amidst remnants of our shared past, I stood,
Surviving plants, the familiar art, I understood.

The ghost of what once was now fades,
A mere thread in life’s tapestry, past parades.
What once felt monumental, now a mere wisp,
I’ve found my strength, my heart’s firm grip.

Your inability to grasp my deep-seated pain,
Rationalizations, comparisons, all in vain.
Your focus remains the same, love conditional and cold,
A heart that seeks control, not connections untold.

Our night together, devoid of old sparks,
Testament to growth, in these uncharted parks.
No longer seeking validation from your side,
I found peace within, where old pain resides.

Love, an act of growth, energy’s gentle tide,
Not a drain, but a verb, acts with intention implied.
Your avoidance, conditional affection stark,
Contrasts with my understanding of love’s bright arc.

Realizing our love has flown,
Shows how much I’ve grown.
Our memories linger like stars in the dawn,
Will the unfinished songs haunt you, once I’m gone?

I don’t want to help you finish the symphony you wrote
A privilege lost after this heart, you broke.
Music was a glue that helped hold us together
We were an unfinished song you discarded ‘for the better’

So, with an open heart, I stride ahead,
My story continues, not easily read.
New adventures, loves, horizons wide,
In this vast cosmo of life, I’ll never hide.

I’m not muddying the memories, just seeing it in a different light,
Same coin, different sides… just different sides, same dice.
It doesn’t take away from the love I once felt,
I’ve removed the rose-colored lenses, another truth once withheld.

Validation sought, clarification needed,
A self-image fractured, hopes unheeded.
Discomfort in a lens that shows what’s true,
Actions betray the words you once knew.

I won’t help complete the symphony you began,
A privilege lost when you shattered our plan.
Music was the chord that bound our tune,
We were an unfinished song you left too soon.

for the chapters we close

In the quiet corners of an emptied room,
Where laughter once danced with the dust,
Lies the echo of a door softly closing,
A whispered goodbye to what once was.

We grieve the undead, those ghosts of selves,
Once vibrant with dreams and morning light,
Now shadows that flicker in our quiet moments,
Reminders of what’s passed out of sight.

This apartment, once a shared home,
Whispers in the creaks of its bones,
Of days filled with familiar smiles,
Now silent as we forge paths unknown.

We mourn not just the love that’s lost,
But the version of us that loved so deep,
A self that dwells in the realm of memory,
In the pages of a chapter we no longer keep.

Yet in this sadness, there’s truth so tender,
Each tear a testament to the life we’ve known,
Grieving is but love’s own echo,
A sign of seeds once lovingly sown.

So let us honor every ache,
Each one a note in a symphony so sweet,
For in every ending there’s a promise,
Of new roads waiting beneath my feet.

it won’t take me 10 yrs

You said you’d miss this view in ten years,
Living in the suburbs, caught in your fears.
I laughed and said, “You don’t have to go,
Stay here with me, let’s see where this life flows.”

But now I stand on the edge of change,
Moving away from this city, chasing a new range.
It won’t take me a decade to see,
The beauty of the past, the memories of you and me.

It won’t take me 10 years to appreciate this view,
Every time I think of Raleigh, and all that we knew.
Not with a sense of loss, but with a heart that’s true,
Grateful for the moments, for the time that I grew.

The sunsets we watched, the laughter we shared,
The dreams we painted, the times we cared.
You spoke of the future, a prophecy so clear,
Was I delusional to think it would include me, my dear?

Now as I pack my bags and close this door,
I know I’m moving on, but I’m not keeping score.
This view, our view, it’s a part of me still,
Echoing in my heart, a space it will fill.

It won’t take me 10 years to appreciate this view,
Every time I think of Raleigh, and all that we knew.
Not with a sense of loss, but with a heart that’s true,
Grateful for the moments, the love that we grew.

The view included the us with moments so sweet,
A chapter in our story, a heartbeat so fleet.
I’m healing now, finding my own way,
But the past whispers softly, on every sunny day.

So here’s to the future, wherever I may be,
Living in the present, wild and free.
I refuse to say I miss something if it no longer serves me.
I miss how I felt, but I’ll feel that again, I believe!
The magic was within me, not only from you
For this magic is energy that only comes from the truth,
And when something reminds me of Raleigh’s hue,
I’ll smile, knowing I appreciated this view.

forgiving a stranger

I forgive you, even though you’re not apologetic.
With severed ties I must move forward, oh how poetic.
I used to think your path of choice was incorrect.
But a choice can’t be wrong because it was made by the inner voice whose future we presently reflect.
Don’t you see, don’t you see?
That decision came from the person you wanted to be.
Unfortunately, it ended up hurting me.

Betrayal doesn’t come from strangers, but from the trusted few.
It’s the cruelest twist of fate, leaving me to misconstrue.
I fell in love so blindly,
Ignoring the basic need to simply be seen.
I gave what I could to someone who didn’t have the capacity to receive
…all the love and light I’m rebuilding as I grieve.

Yeah, I forgive you. Even if it means we’re now strangers
At least my heart no longer feels like it’s in danger.
Although I wish you could have loved me better,
I know you couldn’t have loved me more.
To heal fully, I have to close this door.

I forgive you & goodbye.
Relieved from the burden of always asking “why”.
I forgive you & goodbye.

reminder to self

& I have to keep reminding myself…
the you that I love is only in my head
real you left me to crumble alone in my bed
hurts just as bad, grieving someone who’s not dead
even if we worked it out, we wouldn’t have lasted
day-by-day I’m understanding evanescence.

life’s tapestery

A poet once said,
“There is always grief for the lives we don’t get to live,
even if there isn’t regret.”

So I’ll build on that…

There is poignancy in the moments that have now
turned into memories that we will never forget.

There is pain in the dreams we’ve shared
with people who have now left.

There is always heartache in a love shared
between those whose needs were unmet.

But even then, I know that…

there will be joy in the life I get to live,
an experience that I would not even expect.

There will be comfort in new moments
that will turn into new memories that I won’t forget.

And slowly the pain will diminish into lessons
and learn that there are people I’ll love that I haven’t even met.

I’ll find contentment some day, somehow, in this life now,
Knowing that there isn’t an experience I regret.

reclaiming my reign

But beneath the roses, thorns began to sprout,
Silent shadows, casting doubt.
The garden we nurtured, now barren, deserted,
Leaves of our love, withered, inverted.

In the mirror of memories, I seek my reflection,
Questioning love’s flawed direction.
Betrayed by the heart, blinded by affection,
Searching for solace, yearning for connection.

Yet, in this chasm of echoing pain,
I find my strength, I reclaim my reign.
For within my core, a resilient flame,
Illuminates my path, redefines my aim.

Though scars remain, as testimonies true,
Of love’s fleeting kiss, and its shades of blue.
I rise from the ashes, with a spirit all new,
Embracing my journey, a clear horizon in view.

the apology (i never got, but wish i did)

In the silence of my mind, I hear your voice resonate,
Echoes of the love we shared, now shadows of our fate.
Blinded by a dream so vast, I left your heart to bleed,
In pursuit of distant stars, I failed to see your need.

I’m sorry for the pain I caused, the tears that stained your cheek,
For every whispered promise made, yet proved myself so weak.
The apology you never heard, now etched upon the sky,
A confession to the stars, an unspoken lullaby.

I chased a vision selfishly, believed it was my call,
In my tunnel visioned quest, I neglected our own fall.
Now reflections haunt my nights, your sorrow in my dreams,
I wish I could turn back time, mend the seams.

If words could travel back in time, and mend a broken heart,
I’d send a thousand apologies, to where we fell apart.
Yet here in silent reverie, my regret remains unspoken,
An echo of our lost love, an invaluable token.

I’m sorry for the silence, for the void I left so wide,
For not being there to catch the tears you’ve cried.
The apology you never heard, now a whisper in the breeze,
A silent plea for forgiveness, a heart on its knees.

Though words remain unuttered, and our paths may never cross,
Know my heart bears the burden, the gravity of loss.
For in the quiet of the night, under the watchful eye of the moon,
I whisper my unsaid apology, a melancholy tune.

#aigenerated #madebydall-e

to the loves of my life

There’s a lot of poems and songs about romantic love
but not enough about the friends who go beyond and above!

You all know who you are…
this is for my dear friends, near and far.

Here’s to the friends that have turned into family,
friends who have known different versions of me.
Here’s to the friends who make strange places feel like home
friends who remind me that I’m not alone.

This is for all the sad and happy tears we’ve cried
this is for all the times you’ve stayed by my side
this is for the friends who’d pick me up at dawn,
& to the friends who’d be out downtown all night long.

There’s an “I love you” embedded in home-cooked dinner nights
an “I love you” sitting in silence under flickering neon lights
an “I love you” in the comfort of a silent room
an “I love you” in texting “omg look at the moon!!”
an “I love you” in “let me know when you make it home”
an “I love you” in “I’ll stay with you on the phone”
an “I love you” in “omg you would love this song”
an “I love you” in dancing and singing at a show all night long
an “I love you” in “wanna get brunch and go thrifting?”
an “I love you” in “let’s try this DIY painting and crafting”

This goes out to my friends who helped heal a heart they didn’t break
& to the friends who’d sit & watch the sun set with me by the lake.
To the friends who’s not afraid to fail at trying something new
& to the friends who supported me no matter which path I choose.

I’m sorry our society has forgotten to acknowledge the importance of your presence
blinded by the illusion that romantic love is the purest love in all its essence.

This poem is a reminder that I see and love all of you
& to all: don’t forget to let your friends know you love ‘em truly, deeply love ‘em, too.

#aigenerated #madebydall-e

the duality of (wo)man

There’s a strange pain in the saying that 2 things can be true
To be so in love with you, & accept that there’s no longer the ‘us’ that I knew
To long for what could have been, while healing the wounds deep within
To hope that you grow into your best self, knowing that future us will become someone else
Someone we both won’t know, yet feeling a weird sense of being at-home
Because in the end, despite our end
we were a beautiful thing, after all

the avoidant & the anxious

People can only love you as deeply as they love themselves
I started to feel your distance the more I loved myself

In pursuit of freedom from the love that also caused you pain
You discarded me for the value you’ve placed on money and fame

We now only exist in dreams & faded memories
I don’t regret how you loved and left me

I accidentally healed in the process of loving you
Maybe someday you’ll heal from all of this too

shiny

I don’t miss you
I miss how it felt when our paths intertwined
I miss how it felt when our worlds collide
I miss when you chose me and you “had time”

People like you don’t wanna be happy
People like you just wanna be shiny
Just wanting to be paraded like a golden trophy

You’ll think you’re so special with what you create
If I had your family and all that money, I’d also think I was great
You know, right…? That even shiny things fade?
Pls bby girl, you’re not self-made

the knight beneath the armor

In the shadow of ego’s fading light,
You chose a path, not of freedom, but of night.

Beneath that metal, a soul I cherished dear,
Yet in fear, you let love’s key disappear.
Melding it into chains, a self-made snare,
Trading liberation for a burden you chose to bear.

Swallowed whole, the key within you lies,
While echoes of worthiness are drowned by ego’s cries.
“Shed your armor,” I plead, “let’s chase the skies,”
In dreams, we’d soar, where love never dies.

Surrendering freedom for an iron embrace,
A trade of the soul for a metallic face.
Yet I hope you’re healing, finding your peace,
The love I gave you is yours to keep.

Though now we only exist in memories and photos unframed,
My heart still echoes with the love you tamed.
Not a trophy to display, nor a prize to claim,
I loved the man within, not just the fame.

Do you recall, in our moments, how you felt, how you’d be?
I hope you break free, live a life of love, light, and creativity.
A life where we chose each other, a dream so fleetingly sweet,
But in reality’s grasp, it’s a vision we’ll never meet.

We grew together, but you chose to grow apart
I hope the path you chose brings peace to your mind and heart.
You were the love of my life for a moment in time
You’ll always be that in the mosaic of my life.

Is this the last love letter, words left unsent?
For now, I’ll express my broken heart with this pen.

I loved you deeply
I loved you truly
You broke me immensely
I’m healing painfully and beautifully.

We grew together, but you chose to grow apart
I hope that path brings peace to your mind and heart
You were the love of my life for a moment in time
You’ll always be that, even if you’re no longer mine
You’ll always be that in the mosaic of my life

hurt&feel.hurt&heal

My hurt and pain whispers to me,
“No, no no no… this isn’t how it’s supposed to be.”
I have to heal so I can really see,
The truth without the lens of the wounds that have cut me deeply.

I have to wake from this dream & accept the reality,
I know that to love you and to love me
Means that I have to set you free…

Maybe I was the magic,
Maybe it was you and me,
But there’s no magic in “what could be”

At the top of the parking garage,
The cotton candy sky couldn’t mask the storm I was about to weather
The birds continued to dance as we shared our last embrace together.
My heart ached at the face of the truth,
That our goodbye was the loudest gesture of “I love you”

I have to heal so I can really be
living in the present without the lens of the wounds that have cut me deeply.
I have to wake from this dream & accept reality.

Because I love you,
Because I love me,
I have to set you free

i’m sorry i’m just angry

Did you feel pain or was it a relief?
My heart ached & shattered sitting next to you in disbelief

Did you feel guilty lying to my face?
Pretending you’d be there at the future plans we made.
It’s not fair that you got to know
the last moments were the last of our show.
I spent that day daydreaming about how you’re always going to be mine,
While you spent the day pretending like everything was fine.

I’m angry that I physically can’t get angry at you,
Just sad at the fact that you knew
that my world was about to be dark & gray.
All I wanted to do was to beg you stay,
but I couldn’t beg for a love that chose to walk away.

I guess I found closure knowing this was difficult for you.
Every day I fight the urge to reach out and say, “I miss you”
But what good would that do
when I already know the truth,
you can’t love someone into choosing you.

In your goodbye I felt love in other places
Deeper than the void you’d fill time’s open spaces.
Friends who showed up when you couldn’t,
Family who believed when you wouldn’t.

Are you in pain or are you relieved?
Cause I’m hurting.
Aching.
I’m still in disbelief.

orion stopped dancing

Some days I wish I lived in the universe where you chose me.
When faced with a tough choice, I always asked,
“Would you regret not doing it when you’re 40?”
Sucks to know you wouldn’t regret losing me…

Sometimes I wish I lived in the universe where we’ve made hundreds of songs,
where no chord progression and melody could ever sound wrong.

What if I lived in the timeline where our realities aligned?
Either way, our roots are forever intertwined.

But we live in this one
where Orion stopped dancing for you and me,
Orion’s now just a reminder of our memories.

Some days I wish I lived in the universe where you chose me.
Remember when you asked if you should go for it and I said,
“Would you regret not doing it when you’re 40?”
Sucks to know you wouldn’t regret losing me…

chasing purpose (Orion: reprise)

Just like turning every noise into music
and any moment into art,
anything can be purposeful if the actions come from the heart.

Memories of you sneak out of my head and roll out of my eyes.
I would have chosen you in every timeline,
but you couldn’t even choose me in this lifetime.

Chasing your purpose revealed the truth,
What does that say about what matters the most in this world to you?

(the original) orion

Someone, at some point in this silly lil life of mine, wrote this cute poem for me. He left me tho and I was shattered, as you can see lolz.

i still love an unreal version of you

I’m still in love with the man
who you didn’t want to be.
The one who had the time
to sing, dance, and vibe with me.

I’m still in love with the man
who made time for work and play.
How’d you go from my best friend
to a stranger in a matter of a day?

Help.

I have to fall out of love with this delusion
and fall into acceptance that for the most part
I was another calendar event causing procrastination.
I freely rearranged mine to be graced by a fraction of yours.
I loved the unreal version of you,
the you that made time for me that wasn’t scheduled or forced.

strobe

I still can’t listen to Strobe
Cause when I do,
I am back on your couch, transcending through time & space.
Cause when I do,
I still feel your thumb rub my shoulders consoling me as tears streamed down my face.

Cause when I do,
I remember feeling safe…

I think I’ll know when I’ve moved on when I can listen to Strobe without my heart hurting,
but right now it still aches.

December 2023: I listened to Strobe and my heart no longer ached.

time’s gentle art

In realms where mere survival isn’t all,
Where ideas and art defiantly stand tall,
We craft a bond transcending time’s decay,
A dance, a dream, that won’t be swept away.

So close, yet distant as the furthest star,
In nothingness we find out who we are.
Exchange of whispers, touches, glances, words,
Interactions weave what eyes and hearts have heard.

Each meeting an exchange, a dance of power,
An energy that blooms in every hour,
We find ourselves in timeless interplay,
A sacred dance that lights our Earthly way.

By your side, what honor does life lend,
A journey’s shared, a song that knows no end.

In life, we own no thing, all borrowed grace,
Yet what we make together fills all space.

Through cosmos we connect, our spirits dance,
I see you in the stars, a glimmering glance.

Remember as time and distance blend,
The art we make is ours until the end.

canvas of our memories

On the deck of our floating home we rest,
Shared melodies echoing in our chest.
Underneath the starlight, in the quiet of the night,
With the softest bed, and love expressed.

A morning of croissants, of laughter and sips,
Mimosa-drenched memories at our fingertips.
Rain tapping our tent, our canvas love-scent,
This is a journey I’ll never forget.

A scenic drive with kite surfers on the view,
Your hand on my thigh, my soul renewed.
With every bite we shared, the universe sang along,
Because with you, even mundane noise turns into a song.

Hiding from the bugs, under the covers we cuddled tight,
Feeling your warmth, chasing away the night.
Lil papers on our tongue, the world a breath-taking sight,
In the ocean of love, we take flight.

Sailing on the waves of our psychedelic song,
With you, every right feels like it can’t be wrong.
In your arms, is where I truly belong,
In the artwork of our memories, where our love is strong.

Sun-kissed, we danced in the water’s embrace,
Heightened senses, time slows its pace.
Inside our tent, nature’s trace,
With every touch, love illuminates this place.

Flying our kite, syncing with the music’s delight,
In the audience of the sunset, our love in plain sight.
With stars above us, you watched my whip dance at night,
With you, I found my eternal light.

Sailing through psychedelic love, my heart is so light.
With you by my side, every moment feels so right.
With you, every star shines so bright,
In the canvas of our memories, you paint the most beautiful sight.
Sailing on the waves of our psychedelic song,
With you, every right feels like it can’t be wrong.
In your arms, is where I truly belong,
In the artwork of our memories, where our love is strong.

It’s with you, I tasted love’s sweet melody,
Unveiled the truth, of what it means to be free.
In the canvas of our days, our love’s unique tapestry,
In your arms, I found love’s infinity.

oh the disconnect,
I finished this poem just a few days before you left…

i’ve said it

Baby there’s something I’ve been wanting to tell you I just haven’t dared to say the words out loud
But I swear I’ve said it
I’ve told you before
I guess differently
Like signs disguised as contrails near the clouds

I’ve said it when I whispered, “I like you” before the goodnights
I’ve said it when we sang along to 80s hits overlooking the mountain skies
I’ve said it when you spun me around for the third time
I’ve said it when we laughed about me picking up the wrong wine

Baby I know this is unexpected
Cause I usually say what’s on my mind
I’ve been wanting to tell you
But I’m waiting for the right time
I don’t know what’s stopping me from saying how I feel
Maybe I’m not ready to hear how ready
Or not ready
You are to make this real

I’ve said it after crying to you when I’m having a lot of anxiety
I’ve said it when we made making music a reality
I’ve said it when you made us steak and veggies for the third time
I’ve said it when we’re up til dawn
Talking about different versions of us in another timeline

You are both a grand adventure and a home
You never fail to remind me that I’m already whole
I knew that if didn’t love me
I couldn’t love anyone else
I love the way you help me love myself

Bending the concept & fleeting feeling of time
We must have met in another life
Twin flames wanting to press rewind

I’ve said it when we flew the 2-lined kite
I’ve said it when we were dancing to Griz under the neon lights
I’ve said it in the form of acceptance
I’ll never forget the moment Orion gave us a second chance

I’m hoping you’ve said it too
I am so in love with you

I couldn’t quite tell him yet, I didn’t want to tell him I loved him when I did. So I wrote this poem and I read it to him lololol.

runnin’ in the rain

We ran in the rain
Hand in hand
Laughing as the sky unapologetically cried to us.

Not a care in the world that we were drenched,
because we accepted the fact that going through the storm
is essential to appreciate the sunshine

When I’m with you
I want time to freeze
Because every noise turns into music
And every moment turns into art

I hold on to this feeling
Because no matter how temporary
At least I know it’s real

mosaic

The person you met and admired
And loved spending time with
Is the product of mistakes and
Lessons learned in the past

It breaks my heart that you adored my time and presence
And the unfamiliarity of what makes me
Me
But you’ve been focusing on a stained glass piece
That is only a part of my mosaic

beyond survival

It’s beautiful that we can do more than just merely survive
We can create long-lasting ideas
Things
Art
…that surpasses the inevitable turbulence of time

falling

We ate my favorite food
And listened to my favorite music
I felt like you understood who I was
& who I am
I’m glad we met

Together, days feel long and years feel short
We froze and sped up time
We must have met in another life
Magnetic souls: wanting to press rewind

into a tree

Oh little bird, shed no tears for my final flight,
Grateful for the moments when I soared in the sky’s light.

Flight cannot last forever, feathers wither and fade,
Wings grow weaker, but the sun’s brightness won’t be swayed.

My flight stirred the winds, and the winds stirred me,
Like falling leaves, affecting the earth for all to see.

Little bird, don’t be deceived, we aren’t meant to fly eternally,
Longer journeys aren’t always better, as some birds fail to see,
They spend their lives wondering why wings were given instead of feet,
Forgetting the heights their wings could reach.

Lay me where growth continues, where my legacy thrives,
Among animals and flowers, where nature truly derives.

Little bird, promise me I’ll transform into a majestic tree,
Don’t let them reduce me to an inanimate form, you’ll see,
Beyond our finite season lies an infinite quest for authenticity,
Little bird, this is not a tragedy, but a chance for eternity.

the great conjunction of 2020

Beneath the moon’s glow, I sat, struggling to find peace,
Jupiter & Saturn just within the moon’s reach.
Bright and bold, a cosmic dance,
I longed for someone to share this glance.

Wishing for a soul to appreciate the view,
The “silly” things, the beautiful, the cosmic truth.
The moon, a reminder of the me before you,
Unchanged, yet I’ve transformed through and through.
With you, my sense of self shifted, but shouldn’t have swayed,
The moon’s glow reflects the price I’ve paid.

In its light, I see my own worth,
My beauty, my brightness, my mirth.
Saturn’s presence, not a necessity,
But together, we’re an enhanced entity.
Alone, I feel love, a belonging so deep,
A contrast to the companionship we struggled to keep.

The awe of the moon, a revelation missed in your company,
In solitude, its beauty magnifies, a discovery so uncanny.
Tell me, why did I crave your affirmation,
When alone, I found my salvation?
Why did I seek to show you the moon’s grace,
When without you, I found my own space?

The moon, ever whole, through phases it transitions,
A mirror to my journey, through all its conditions.
Never incomplete, not lacking, nor less,
In its cycle, a lesson, in self-love, I confess.
No longer seeking your validation to feel,
The moon’s beauty, in my solitude, heals.