Hey, so this is a little different than what you are used to, but specifically, it’s not who you are used to.

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Yeah, so I know what you are probably thinking, ‘Yep, here is another brilliant blog post by the amazing Liezl,’ but boy, I have news for you. This isn’t Liezl.

Hi, my name is Marissa. Normally, people would follow up that introduction by saying statements like ‘and my favorite color is green’ or something interesting about themselves. But truthfully, I often struggle to describe myself. I go back and forth in my mind arguing that my lack of self-describing skills stems from not wanting to confine myself to a label, box, or stereotype, and sometimes I pessimistically think that I am constantly projecting a fake version of myself. But really, I think it’s time to admit to myself that I am a little lost.

Just a picture of me so you can visualize who’s writing to you!

I have been on a journey of self-discovery since I was 18. Before then, everything about myself was a facade to please others. I had spent my life ensuring that I fulfilled my family’s expectations until one day I broke. My breaking point spurred a three-year period of my life where I couldn’t escape the misery of my depression. Long story short, I pulled myself out of the deep end and decided it was time to let go of all expectations and be who I wanted to be. Either people don’t talk about it enough or my naivety clouded my actions, but it is not that simple to just be who you want to be. You have to begin to meet yourself first.

I wish I could tell you a step-by-step process of how to actually know yourself, but it really isn’t that simple. And I think it is different for everyone. However, the least I can do is tell you about my journey.

Exploring

Me on one of my first late-night adventures! A friend and I were exploring a park in Cary, North Carolina. This park became one of my favorite places to go to when I needed a space to clear my head.

When I began this journey, I unconsciously refused to explore my identity. Specifically, I still felt like I had to be this uptight, mature, perfect person who would never do anything immature, carefree, or flawed. When I look back on my childhood though, it all makes sense. I was never allowed to be a kid. My whole life was pre-planned for me, and if I resisted the plan or said that I wanted something that wasn’t to the approval of my parents, I was punished. So if I am used to leading to a rigid and stagnant life for the approval of others, how do I break the cycle? I had the world at my fingertips for the first time and didn’t know what to do with it. Quickly, I realized it was easier to say no to new experiences than yes when your actions are clouded with fear.

So I started small. I started saying yes to things that might not seem big to others but were to me. I said yes to going out at 3 AM to go to Cookout, and now I know I like spontaneous, late-night adventures. I said yes to watching shows and movies I had never seen, and now I know that I like Ted Lasso and Schitt’s Creek. Shows that speak to so many emotions I can go to them no matter how I feel. I said yes to trying karaoke and realized that life is better when not everything is so serious.

Eventually, my decisions grew into bigger experiences. I said yes to going to prom for the first time. An experience I hadn’t realized I was grieving over not having. I said yes to going to a concert, when I didn’t know the band, and had to drive four hours to a city I had never been to after having my license for maybe a month. (The best part was that it was my first concert). From that, I discovered I like rock music.

A picture I took of the band Waterparks’ lead singer Awsten Knight on March 23, 2024. I had only listened to this band for around a month before attending this show, but I quickly began to love their music.

Now, I just said yes to my dream college. Something that has been terrifying me for a year. But now, I cannot wait to see what new things I will learn about myself through this new experience.

So, while “yes” can be scary, saying “no” can be even more terrifying because it could cause you to remain in the dark about your own identity. This leads me to…

Resisting the Pressure to Confine

TikTok by @heidsbecker. Heidi is one of my favorite content creators on TikTok because she mainly writes and records her poetry addressing aesthetic culture and over consumptionism.

Alongside resisting new learning experiences, I used to try to fit myself into idealized, popular aesthetic trends. During this time, I felt this pressure to box myself into this “clean girl” aesthetic that I felt like all the teenage girls around me were living in. I felt like I needed more expensive athletic wear, that I should like the smoothies they drank, and lather my skin in excessive amounts of skincare. I was so focused on defining myself into this label that it didn’t matter that I couldn’t afford the clothes they wore, that I have never liked smoothies, or that I have extremely acne-prone skin.

Eventually, I realized that the whole time I tried to confine myself to this one niche label, I was denying my true identity. There has been an increasing pressure to restrict ourselves to these aesthetics, labels, and trends. At the same time, I am not saying that it isn’t okay to like things that are “coquette,” “indie,” or “coastal cowgirl,” but forcing ourselves into one of these styles eliminates ways to explore and express ourselves. Somehow over time, I think the words “confine” and “define” became unconsciously interlinked in society. By confining ourselves to one fixed lifestyle, we hope society can define us with fixed, socially acceptable identities. Within this confinement, we cause our personal growth to become stagnant, as we aren’t discovering the definitions of our identities ourselves.

This reflection has made me realize that people, myself included, portray this fake version of ourselves simply because of the innately human fear of rejection. I would fear so much about others’ perceptions of me that I put my happiness in feeling comfortable in my skin second.

Now I feel comfortable in the fact that I like coquette bows and club music and wearing leather, and however I am perceived from that does not define me.

The most meaningful definition of identity is the one we create for ourselves.

At this point in my journey, I concluded that my journey would never truly be over. Identity is an ever changing part of being human. While we may have hiccups and struggles with it, I think embracing the hardships is better than allowing ourselves to grow stagnant or conform to societal norms. From this journey, I decided I value my endless definition of my identity over any short-term perceptions of my character. As I keep growing and evolving, I simply want to embrace the journey no matter where it leads. While I only mentioned a couple of ways that I have grown on my journey, I hope this reflection has served as a good introduction not to just who I am, but as to what has shaped me on my journey.

With love, from your favorite blogger’s favorite blogger,

Marissa

Afterword from Liezl

A A H H H H H H H H H H ! ! !

I’m so freaking proud of you, Marissa!!

Let me set the stage for this moment of celebration: I met Marissa at our adult dance studio, Diva Dance, where her energy radiates brighter than stage lights (and trust me, her dancing is just as dazzling). But this collaboration? This beautiful melding of words and stories? It sprouted from a much simpler, sweeter place: cat-sitting. Yes, while I was out of town for the holidays, Marissa took on the noble role of caretaker to my furballs, and in return, a serendipitous opportunity bloomed.

Over the holidays, I was whisked away by the bass and lights of HiJinx Music Festival, wrapped up in the kaleidoscope of joy that is my festival family. My friends, who run the EDM media account The Daily Frequency, noticed something: my writing. They asked if I’d join their team to cover all things EDM culture—something I never imagined would happen, all because I’ve been sharing my thoughts on this blog, unapologetically, even when the little voice of self-doubt whispered, “What if people think I’m cringe?!”

But here’s the thing: I didn’t care. I realized that those fears—the fear of being perceived, of being judged, of not being enough—are like shadows that only exist when you stand still. So, I kept writing, kept sharing, and it led me here.

And then, while I was riding this wave of creative synchronicity, I found out that Marissa had been accepted into a journalism program at Elon University! Talk about stars aligning, right!? It felt like a little cosmic nudge, reminding me of how beautifully things come together when you lean into your passions.

As I returned home and scooped up my keys from Marissa, I found myself handing her a different set of keys—the keys to my blog. She’d already proven her storytelling brilliance through her own journey, and I thought, “Why not let her light shine here, too?” This collaboration is just the beginning.

It feels like divine timing, doesn’t it? Like the universe is giving us a cheeky wink, reminding us that life unfolds so beautifully when you’re brave enough to show up as your authentic self.

So here’s to you, Marissa, to your courage, and to the thrilling road ahead. Don’t you worry, dear readers—you’ll be hearing (or rather, reading) much more from her.

With all the love and light,

Zel