What does it mean to “show up for yourself”?
Take a moment to define it.
It’s a phrase I hear often—so much so that I hadn’t paused to truly consider its meaning. At first glance, it seems simple: you do things for you. But hear me out: I think it’s actually something deeply beautiful. Recently, I found the words to describe it through those repetitive moments when I’ve sat in parking lots, shedding the last of my tears before gathering the strength to engage in activities that bring me joy—whether it’s heading to a dance class, visiting a favorite coffee shop, or enjoying a tranquil moment at the beach. I’ve come to realize that, for me, showing up for yourself means choosing joy even when it feels counterintuitive, even when you’re not at your “best.” Choosing yourself, in those moments, is the very essence of self-compassion.
Walking to the beach, even though I fought hard to get out of bed to make it there (picture below)
Sharing the dark times: like when it’s so so so so so so hard to get out of bed. This was before heading to the beach (picture above), fighting for the will to go, I knew I wanted to, but sometimes the weight of the aches are a lot and getting up is such a monumental task.
I still remember my good friend Lupe using this phrase at our cute and quirky local fitness studio, Glow Fitness, when she celebrated her 200th class. Lupe said, “I can’t believe I’ve shown up for myself 200 times,” and someone excitedly shouted, “AT LEAST!” Ever since then, that phrase has been bubbling up inside my head, something I couldn’t quite pinpoint, like trying to find the right words to truly describe it—but they eluded me. That is, until last night, when I reflected on my journey and my relationship with dance and music, two of my favorite hobbies.
This is Lupe, btw, what a beautiful soul.
The courage it takes to show up for yourself, to get up and go to the gym when the weight of the world feels doubled by your depression or anxiety, or whatever it may be that you’re dealing with—that’s no small feat! It’s a victory worth celebrating, whether it’s one exercise or ten, or even just the act of stepping out of bed. Showing up for yourself means honoring your needs and recognizing that joy and sadness can coexist. Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass; it’s about learning to dance in the rain—and sometimes that dance is messy, with tears in parking lots, wiping them away in the places that usually bring you comfort.
You can either sulk in the rain or dance in the rain. Either way, it’s going to rain.
How have we not shown up for ourselves? Not showing up for yourself often looks like denying your present needs and desires, waiting for that mythical “perfect” version of yourself before allowing joy, rest, or fulfillment. It’s like holding your breath until you reach a destination that keeps moving further away. Here are some ways this might manifest:
- Waiting for Perfection: You think, “I’ll go to that dance class once I lose weight,” or “I’ll start painting again when I have more time.” It’s postponing joy, putting your passions on hold because you believe you’re not ready or deserving just yet. The truth is, the time is now. Showing up means picking up the brush, lacing up your shoes, even when things aren’t perfect.
- Neglecting Self-Care: Maybe you feel tired and crave a day of rest, but instead, you push yourself to keep working because you feel you haven’t “earned” a break. It’s the belief that self-care is a reward rather than a basic need, and so you burn out, running on fumes, waiting to be “good enough” to finally deserve a moment of peace.
- Silencing Your Voice: You have thoughts, ideas, or feelings to share, but you hold back, thinking, “I’ll speak up when I’m more confident,” or “I’ll share my art once it’s perfect.” By waiting for some imagined courage or approval, you miss out on the opportunity to express your truth and connect authentically with others.
- Avoiding Joy in Painful Times: You might catch yourself thinking, “I’m too sad to do something fun,” or “I can’t enjoy myself when things are so hard.” It’s as if you’re punishing yourself for not being okay, withholding joy because you believe it doesn’t belong in your current state of struggle. But joy can be a lifeline, a small light in the darkness—not a denial of pain, but a gentle reminder that life is still worth engaging with, even in its toughest moments.
- Comparing Yourself to Others: You scroll through social media and see everyone else’s highlight reels—smiling faces, success stories, polished versions of life—and you tell yourself, “I’ll be happy when I get there, too.” It’s the belief that your journey isn’t valid until it mirrors someone else’s perceived success, and in the meantime, you withhold kindness from your own unfolding story.
When we reserve joy for this future self, we’re essentially denying the worth and beauty of who we are right now. We’re saying, “I’m not enough as I am,” when, in reality, the messy, imperfect, raw version of you is already deserving of love, joy, and compassion.
Showing up for yourself means embracing the now, finding those small flames of joy, and nurturing them, even when things aren’t perfect. It’s dancing when you feel heavy, resting when you feel overwhelmed, and saying, “I’m worthy of this moment, just as I am.” It’s about letting go of the wait for “someday” and fully stepping into today, with all its cracks and colors. Because that, dear friend, is where the real magic happens. 🌟✨
I remember sobbing in the parking lot before going to this class. But oh am I glad I went - I had such a fun time!
We often reserve joy for an imagined future self—this “better” version of us that has everything together. But life doesn’t wait for us to reach that perfect moment; it’s unfolding right now, in all its imperfect, sometimes painful glory. Experiencing joy when you’re in pain is not a contradiction; it’s an act of rebellion against the belief that you need to have it all figured out to be worthy of happiness. It’s like carrying a small flame in the dark, a gentle reminder that even in the depths of sadness, there is light to be found.
To show up for yourself means you’re giving yourself permission to find those sparks of joy, even in the midst of your struggles. Those tears shed in the places that usually bring you happiness—they’re not signs of failure; they’re proof of your resilience and your commitment to embracing the full spectrum of what it means to be human. You’re rewriting the narrative that joy is reserved for later, for when things are “better.” Instead, you’re letting joy seep into the now, into the messy, beautiful present, and that’s an incredibly powerful act of self-love!
In my journey toward self-compassion, I discovered that it’s not just about kind words or gentle thoughts—it’s about showing up, again and again, even when I feel least deserving. And it was through dance and music that I truly came to understand this. Dance became more than just movement; it became a mirror reflecting the ebbs and flows of my emotions, a space where I could be both vulnerable and powerful. It taught me that I didn’t need to wait for the perfect moment or the perfect version of myself to embrace joy. Every step, every beat, was an invitation to be present, to release judgment, and to celebrate myself as I am. Dance wasn’t just an activity; it was a profound act of self-love, a reminder that I am worthy of taking up space, worthy of feeling alive, and worthy of joy in every imperfect moment !
Dancing allows me to simply be. How amazing it is to engage in an activity that isn’t about competition or being the best, but about sharing energy in a space that celebrates everyone’s presence. I’m currently finishing up the Turn Up dance instructor training course, and once I complete that certification, I’ll have full access to an arsenal of dance routines. I can’t wait to dive deeper into building my choreography knowledge and start teaching. I’m excited to radiate the same energy that has helped heal me, and I look forward to sharing my authenticity with others in a way that allows them to feel comfortable enough to embrace their own authentic selves.
So in conclusion, showing up for yourself is an act of gentle defiance against the voice that says, “You don’t deserve it,” that insidious whisper that often keeps us stuck in the gray. I’ve seen through that veil and recognized that joy isn’t something we have to earn by being perfect or by reaching some ideal version of ourselves. Joy, happiness, peace—whatever word resonates with your authentic self—is a birthright, something we’re allowed to touch and hold, even when our hearts are heavy.
With lots and lots and lots and lots of love and light,
Zel