What does it mean to be alive, to be in this body of ours, feeling the pulse of existence echo through our veins? If you’ve ever been curious about the wild, interconnected dance of self-discovery and how everything is tethered to everything else, then welcome. This past year, I’ve been on a deep dive into the trenches of my own mind, exploring the tangled web of thoughts and feelings that make up my sense of self. It’s messy, it’s raw, but it’s real. Along the way, I’ve found inspiration in the words of Alan Watts, whose reflections on life, presence, and the illusion of separateness have helped shape my understanding. And now, I’m here to share some of these insights and reflections with you. This isn’t just an essay; it’s a love letter to the journey of becoming, of shedding societal layers, and embracing the glorious, chaotic dance of existence through a lens that’s as much philosophical as it is personal.

The cosmic origins of self

Photo from NASA of a nova explosion.

We’re all stardust. It sounds poetic, almost too whimsical, but it’s also deeply rooted in the fabric of the universe. Alan Watts often spoke of the illusion of separateness—that we think of ourselves as isolated beings, but in truth, we are all expressions of the universe, playing hide and seek with itself. The iron in our blood, the very thing that lets us breathe, think, and move—was born in the heart of a dying star. Duncan Trussell once said, “Let yourself experience for a second the glorious knowledge that you are a never-ending, ever-changing flow of matter that’s temporarily manifested with the ability to express love.” We are cosmic phenomena, a temporary expression of the universe’s boundless creativity.

Think about it: stars exploded, scattering their elemental guts across the cosmos, which, over billions of years, coalesced into planets, and then life, and now, us. It’s as if the universe is constantly reshuffling the deck, a cosmic dance of particles and energy that knows no end. This ties into Einstein’s theory of relativity, which teaches us that time and space are not rigid and separate but interconnected—matter tells space how to curve, and space tells matter how to move. We are not just in the universe; we are of the universe, part of its ongoing story. We are spacetime, woven into the very fabric of reality, experiencing itself through the lens of human consciousness.

Societal expectations and the quest for authenticity

Despite our cosmic origins, society loves to place us in boxes. From the moment we’re born, there’s an unspoken script we’re expected to follow—go to school, get a job, make money, buy a house, settle down. And if you don’t? Well, there’s judgment, like you’ve failed a test you didn’t even know you were taking. Alan Watts often mused on the absurdity of life’s expectations, likening society’s path to being on a conveyer belt of obligations that lead us away from true fulfillment. We become caught up in what he called “the great hoax”—the idea that happiness is always just one more achievement away, dangling on the other side of ‘enough.’

But here’s where quantum mechanics comes into play. At its core, quantum mechanics reveals that at a fundamental level, reality is not as fixed as it seems. Particles exist in a state of probability, not certainty, until observed. In a sense, they become what they are in the moment of interaction. This mirrors our journey of self-discovery—we’re not fixed beings. We are probabilities, potentialities, becoming who we are in every moment, through every choice. Society’s rigid expectations try to pin us down, but like quantum particles, our true nature is to be fluid, adaptable, and profoundly unique.

Self-love isn’t about complacency or settling; it’s about saying, “I’m worthy, right now, as I am.” It’s about rejecting the illusion that we must earn our right to exist fully. The present is where the magic happens, where life unfolds in real-time. Alan Watts would remind us that we don’t “come into” this world; we come out of it, like a wave from the ocean. We’re not strangers here—we belong. So, let’s reclaim our narrative from a society that demands we grind ourselves into the ground. We can love ourselves today while still striving for more. It’s not just possible—it’s a radical act of self-acceptance and freedom.

Heaven and hell in the present moment

If we are the universe experiencing itself, then heaven and hell aren’t distant places but experiences woven into the fabric of the present moment. Watts often spoke of the here and now as the only reality—past and future are constructs of the mind. Heaven is the joy of living authentically, the warmth of the sun on your skin, the peace of knowing you’re on your path. Hell, on the other hand, is the suffering we create through resistance, fear, and the exploitation of others. It’s the pain caused when we act out of alignment with our true selves, when we forget that we are not separate from those around us.

Quantum entanglement teaches us that particles, once connected, remain so, regardless of the distance between them. Our actions ripple outward, affecting the whole. In the same way, when we live authentically, we contribute to a world that reflects that authenticity. Conversely, when we allow ourselves to be driven by fear, greed, or the pursuit of empty goals, we contribute to a reality that reflects those darker impulses. The choice is always ours.

I used to hide behind a mask, afraid of being judged, afraid of not measuring up. But life on this spinning rock is too fleeting to live in fear. Watts reminds us that “the meaning of life is just to be alive.” It’s that simple, that profound. So, if heaven is here, in this moment, let’s choose to live it fully. Let’s choose paths that align with our own light and truth.

The ongoing journey of self-discovery

Self-discovery isn’t a neat and tidy process with a clear endpoint. It’s messy, it’s nonlinear, and it’s ongoing. Every day feels like unfolding a new map, with fresh challenges, perspectives, and lessons. As I navigate my own journey—whether it’s stepping into new roles like teaching or simply figuring out the next right step—what I’ve learned is this: there’s no rush. We are free to move at our own pace, to experience life in our own unique rhythm. Every stumble, every triumph, every quiet moment of reflection adds another piece to the kaleidoscope of self.

I’m a constant work in progress, a ‘brand new-same me’ that’s always evolving. The roles I play—friend, leader, student, mentor—they’re all just facets of a larger, ever-shifting mosaic. And my goal? It’s simple: to live an authentic life, to be so unapologetically myself that it gives others the courage to do the same. To live in a way that makes the people around me feel seen, feel safe to be exactly who they are.

Conclusion

So here’s the thing: we’re all on this never-ending, ever-changing journey of self-discovery. And it’s not about reaching some final destination—it’s about embracing the ride. Alan Watts taught us that life is not a problem to be solved, but a reality to be experienced. We’re stardust, we’re the universe, and we’re here to live, to learn, to love, right now. There’s beauty in the mess, in the not knowing, in the constant unfolding of who we are. So let’s keep exploring, keep questioning, keep growing. After all, the present is all we’ve got, and it’s where the magic of our existence truly shines.

Journal prompts

Ready to dive deep into your mind and explore the same journal prompts that have guided me on my journey? Here they are—I hope they bring you as much insight and clarity as they did for me:

• What are the traits that define you, the parts of yourself that remain constant, no matter what?
• Who are you when no one is watching?
• Considering that our sense of self is shaped by our past experiences—including those that predate our existence, such as the lives and choices of our parents and ancestors—how has your past, including inherited experiences, influenced you? Have you acknowledged the inevitable pain you’ve encountered along the way?
• Are you living a life that aligns with your inner desires and authentic interests?
• Write down three things you are grateful for in this very moment.

Take your time with these prompts, and let your thoughts flow freely. You might be surprised at the insights you uncover!